Back at work

This was my first week back at work since having Hailey, and I have to admit that it wasn't terrible. I feel so blessed to be able to ease back into work by working 20 hours in the office and 20 hours at home. I set up my office in the den and was rather productive. Connor is such a good boy. He played in his room and left me alone enough to work without much fuss. And Hailey literally eats around 6, plays and then is asleep by 7, sleeps til 9 or 10, and then starts the schedule over. Gives me ample opportunity to work, and still enjoy my baby and continue breastfeeding. I really am very blessed.

I just love her little baby rolls. And she loves her mat.

And, going into work makes me feel like a normal person. I was honestly getting a little bored at home. I was off work for almost 5 months! And, I love my job. Its so great to do something you are good at, and that makes people happy. Its also pretty cool to get to enjoy all the events we organize. Perks of the job. ;-)

I also enjoy getting dressed up. And ignore my crazy eyes.

On top of going back to work, I'm also attempting to get back into shape. Connor walked up to me the other day, rubbed my belly and said, "mommy, you look like you're getting another baby." No son, I'm just chubby. Lol. Hey, my baby is only 3 1/2 months old. Give me a little break! I've gone running a few times and I am slower than molasses, but still faster than anyone still sitting on the couch. :-) it'll get better, I just have to keep at it. Next up, I am going to get back in the gym. I love lifting weights. So I'll try to update how that's going on here. I'm not exactly in a good rhythum yet, so nothing to report just yet. Time will help me get back into a good schedule. Just gotta work out all the kinks still. :-)

And how cute is my boy with his chipotle burrito as big as he is? Lol

Awesome big brother

My boy is so big. Time sure does fly. I can't believe he's 4 years old. It feels like just yesterday I was rocking him to sleep every night and relishing in his snuggles. (He's still the best snuggle buddy ever.)

Just one year old here <3

He is seriously the best big brother ever. He loves Hailey so much, and is a great helper. He plays with her, gets her Binky, loves holding her, and annoys the crap out of her occasionally. I couldn't ask for more. <3 

Hailey is pissed. Lol

He's riding his bike without training wheels already! He's always been very coordinated, and his first day riding with no training wheels, you'd have thought he'd been doing it for months. He rode fast, around in circles, and didn't fall once. He's a pro. Nana bought some balance bikes for easter, and riding around on that for a month made him feel a lot more comfortable trying his bike with no training wheels. She definitely gets the credit for teaching him. So exciting. 

He rode all the way to the park 

He's also so smart. Tommy and I were trying to teach him my phone number, just in case he ever needed to call us or got lost or anything. (Tommy's good at thinking of those things.) And we spent a good 15 mins telling it to him over and over, and he just wanted to be silly and say the wrong thing. We never did get him to repeat it back to us. Then the other night, I left Hailey with J while Connor and I ran to Walgreen's. On the way there, he told me how he likes having "mommy and Connor time" (melt my heart <3) and then repeated my phone number to me like 3 times. Perfectly. And since then, he repeats it back whenever asked. He knew it the whole time. So smart.

He wants his hair spiky lately

I think he's been feeling a little left out, so I'm making a concerted effort to spend one on one time with my favorite boy. We organized his toys a few weeks ago, and he's been doing such a good job cleaning up after he's done playing. Every night before we go to bed, I clean up the living room and kitchen, and Connor picks up his room. 

He's also been sleeping in his own bed. Sometimes he'll come into my room in the middle of the night, but 90% of the time, he's in his room all night. Tommy's mom told me a while ago that one day he wouldn't want to be in my bed, and since then I haven't made a huge effort to kick him out. It makes me a little sad at how big he is. He doesn't need me at much. :-( good thing my kisses are still magic (his words Lol). :-) whenever he gets hurt, all he needs is a kiss and everything is better. I love him. 

Morning snuggles with my favorites 

Breastfeeding... not easy

When I had Connor, I was completely clueless on what to do to start breastfeeding. I didn't ask for help and none was offered so by 12 hours after birth, he still hasn't eaten. Later that night, the pediatrician sent him to the NICU. He was medically fine, but was given a bottle and never would latch onto the breast after that. We tried for 3 months before I gave up "breastfeeding" and instead pumped breast milk to feed him from a bottle. Eventually my supply dried up after 10 months of exclusively pumping, but Connor only got formula for maybe a week before he was 1 year old and could switch to cows milk, thanks to my stash in the freezer. So, the reason for that story is just to show how I knew the "joys" of pumping and had thoroughly hoped to avoid them this time around. (He was and is happy and healthy, so whatever I was doing, was working.)

My happy boy

I wanted so badly to have that special bond with my baby that nursing mothers have. Their babies know who mom is: she's the only one with the food. So, in the hospital, Hailey latched immediately and was an excellent breastfeeder. But before she was even 24 hrs old, my nipples were tender, cracked, and bleeding. Feeding time became not a joy, but instead, I dreaded it. At Hailey's 4 day check up, she threw up blood, which had me super worried--until I realized it wasn't her blood, but mine. My right nipple seriously looked like it was falling off. Not one of my best moments. I was distraut for 2 days. On top of my nipple woes, Hailey wasn't gaining as much weight as they'd hoped, so the doctor told me I needed to give her a bottle. I broke down right there at the doctor's. I don't usually cry in public. Like, ever. I immediately felt like breastfeeding was over and that Hailey would never possibly want to latch for breastfeeding after being exposed to a bottle.

Ultimately, Hailey's health comes first, so I pumped. For a week before I was even brave enough to try and latch her again. My nipples had healed though, so that helped me feel more confident. And my miraculous child latched with only a minute of fussing, and all was right with the world. But, that entire week of pumping, I'm not gonna lie, I seriously cried more than I can ever remember crying. I cried when family was over cuddling my baby while I sat in my room alone and pumped. I cried when tommy fed her the bottle because I selfishly wanted to have her all to myself. I cried every time that I thought for sure she'd never latch again. And I cried when I pumped and I had to dump it because it was pinkish red with blood from my broken nipples. I'm not sure how I managed to keep at it, but I did. I believe so much in the powers of breast milk and want to provide my children with the best I've got, and as long as I've got milk to provide, I can't give them formula. (I am not against formula by any means, but in my conscious, I just can't stop breastfeeding when I've got a supply of milk. And my supply was never the issue, so stopping was never on the table.)

So, after a few days of exclusively breastfeeding again, I think everything is going great. Then my sister in law notices that Hailey's tongue is white, and I never even thought of it, but it was always white. Thrush. Seriously? Could anything else go wrong? Yea, never ask yourself that question unless you want to know the answer.

A few days later, I noticed a lump in my breast. I knew it was a plugged duct, but thought it would resolve on its own. When I transitioned to breastfeeding again, I had been engorged for a few days while my supply adjusted to what Hailey was eating, which is what caused the plugged duct. After a week, it became tender to the touch. Then it turned red and really hurt. I called my doctor and they gave me an antibiotic over the phone. I started taking it and by this time, it hurt to go over bumps in my car. It burned just sitting, and every time I fed from that side, every time Hailey sucked, I felt like death. I tried to get an appt to be seen, by they didn't want to give me one and just wanted me to self treat at home with warm compresses, massage, extra feeding from that side, and pumping to make sure it was completely empty. Well, I knew something was wrong. Finally I made them give me an appt and I had an abscess. It ended up needing to be drained (by sticking a needle in my boob and sucking out the puss/infection... Kill me now). It was awful. Not something I'd recommend.

But, I hope I've finally paid my dues to the breastfeeding karma gods, because for 2 weeks now everything seems to be smooth sailing. Hailey is growing great, my abscess seems to have healed, and I'm happy to report that my nipples are not cracked and bleeding. Still treating the thrush though. :-/ one can only ask for so much. At the end of the day, a happy and healthy baby is all that matters, and I'm definitely good in that department. Hailey isn't even 3 months old and she's already wearing 6 month clothes. My little chub. <3

10 weeks

So mad about her 7 week pictures

Next up, a post all about my little Connor. He's driving me crazy at the moment, but I love him more than anything.

Mothering two

Hailey Annette Franklin. Born Saturday, Feb. 21. 8 lbs 11 oz. 21 inches long.

I've got one month of experience of life with two kids. I am seriously humbled by how difficult it has been to adjust. I thought this would be so easy and natural. I had this perfect picture in my mind of how everything would go. I'd go into labor right around my due date. Breastfeeding would be so natural. I'd have so much time to teach Connor and get him on a schedule. We'd go to the park and do fun stuff during my maternity leave. Hailey would just sleep all day so I'd have tons of time to get anything I needed to get done. Ha. How ridiculous. Why didn't anyone tell me how crazy I was? And delusional. Lol

I guess I'll start with my birth experience and save the other delusions for another post. Lol

I so badly wanted to have the experience of going into labor on my own. I was induced with Connor and all throughout this pregnancy I thought for sure I'd go into labor right around my due date. I knew the date of my last cycle and always have had very regular cycles. So, I figured Hailey would be here no later than Feb. 14. She was due Feb. 11.

Feb. 11 came and went. My midwife offered to induce but I wanted to hold out. Then I went to my 41 week appointment. My midwife stripped my membranes (ouch!) And she thought for sure I'd be in labor within 24 hours. Just for good measure she scheduled an induction for Feb. 20. I had contractions but not painful ones and then nothing. I was feeling huge and miserable and just ready to be done. My hips had bothered me for so long and my whole body just ached. Feb. 20 got here. Into the hospital we went at 5 a.m. Stab me with a fork. Getting up that early when you're overdue pregnant is not fun. I think I slept like 3 hours that night. Went in and by 8 a.m. I was all hooked up and ready to go. They started me with a pill to soften my cervix. I was 1.5cm.

The morning of the induction

The pill started contractions and they monitored me until 10 a.m. and then started me on pitocin. Went all. Damn. Day with not painful contractions. Was checked twice and both times no progress. Finally at midnight the midwife I had seen my entire pregnancy came in. She stopped the pitocin and said she wanted me to try taking another one of those pills. I had to wait an hour to make sure I wasn't contracting too much and then I took the second pill around 1:30 a.m. I was still 1.5cm and hadn't gotten the epidural yet.

Then the real fun started. I started having very painful contractions within minutes. Then my water broke. I started throwing up from the pain and begged for the epidural. My nurse was awesome and got the anesthesiologist within minutes of me asking. I didn't even have time to go pee before he was in my room. He set everything up and it felt like it took an hour before everything was ready. As soon as my bed was raised so he could put it in I felt my water break more and water literally went everywhere. It splashed everyone's feet and Tommy said there was a huge puddle on the floor. Lol. Once the epidural was in, I felt so much better, but I could still feel the contractions and pressure but the anesthesiologist said that's how it's supposed to feel. I didn't feel anything with Connor tho, so this one wasn't as strong. Within minutes I felt a ton of pressure and my midwife checked me. Time to push. I had gone from 1.5cm to 10 in about 3 hours. It was crazy! I pushed for 5 minutes and I just remember saying I could feel her coming out and I didn't want to feel anything. Lol. Then she was here. It was the most intense experience of my life.

She instantly latched for breastfeeding and we did skin to skin for an hour before they checked her or anything. She was and is perfect. I had a slight tear that needed a stitch and my midwife took care of that while I awed at Hailey. All I could think was how much she looked like my Connor. (And I still see him when I look at her today. They're like twins.)

One day old, still in the hospital 

She was significantly larger than I anticipated her to be. My midwife estimated 8 pounds and I was hoping for 7 1/2. Connor was 7lbs 2oz. Hailey was almost 2 pounds heavier than him! I'm still amazed I was able to push her out in 5mins! I really didn't want go be induced, but I wonder how much bigger she could have gotten if I went to 42 weeks, at which point my doctor would have made me induce anyways. So at the end of the day, I'm glad I got induced when I did, even though Hailey didn't get to pick her birthday like I had hoped. We stayed in the hospital until the next day and then went home. Friends and family all got to visit which was nice, but I was excited to go home and rest. I was so tired from not sleeping more than a few hours over two days. 

Connor got to meet her in the hospital and he is such a good big brother. I couldn't possibly ask for more. Between these two amazing children, my heart is full. I love them more than I could ever express in words.

What I really look like when I'm running

So, I saw this on facebook a while back, and it is so true!

So, I haven't been running in about two weeks. My sunburn killed me. I tried putting on my shoes last week and it hurt to walk, so running was out of the question. I went yesterday, and I was so glad I did. My time wasn't all that great, but it was a good run.

This is how I know I am a runner. I didn't go for two weeks and the break was nice. Every morning I wake up at 4:40 a.m. to go on a run, I don't want to get up. It's not fun. But then I go, and I feel amazing. Well, on Monday, a song came on the radio, and my legs got all tingly, and they were just itching to go on a run. I am a runner.

"You never regret a workout, but you always regret a missed workout." This is my motto. When I wake up in the morning and I don't want to get out of bed, I tell myself this. I know I'll feel so good when I get home. If I hit snooze and go back to bed, I'll get an extra hour of sleep, and I'll wake up feeling even more tired. When I run, I come home feeling energized and ready to tackle the day.

When my knee starts acting up, I get this pit in my stomach that I might not be able to run. That I'll have to start over. When I first started running, I could go for about 60 seconds before I had to stop. Then I got better. Now, I can run for three miles straight (if I wanted to) and I don't want to go back to those 60 second runs. I love where I'm at, and I'm motivated to train for a half marathon. I can do it.

I am a runner. I don't care what anyone else says. I've been running for over a year now, and it's the only excercise that I've done for this length of time without getting bored of it. I can run wherever I choose, and it's so convenient.

When I don't run, I feel super irritable. Running makes me happy. Crazy, I know, but it does. It must be those endorphins everyone talks about. ;-) They really work.

So, get out there and get running. I promise you won't regret it!

Impromptu Wedding

So, Tommy and I made a very last minute decision to get married... In two and a half weeks! So, as long as we can get everything organized, it looks like we're doing it on Aug. 4.

It's so crazy to me! Honestly, I've been the reason we're not married yet. I'm so worried about commitment, even though I have no reason to be. Getting married is just a piece of paper; Tommy and I already have a beautiful son, and it doesn't get much more committed than that. Don't get me wrong, I know that marriage means something, but in today's society, if you change your mind you just get a divorce. When you have a child with someone, it's not like you can just make them go away. You have to see them and hear about them for the rest of your life.

So, aside from my dumb reservations about getting married, we're doing it. We've been together for 9 1/2 years.... THAT'S ALMOST A DECADE! Makes me feel old. We've grown up together. I'm not perfect, and neither is he, but I think we fit well together. I'm excited about the next chapter in our lives, and we're finally making it official. Then, maybe we'll start working on another baby. ;-)

So, with deciding to get married three weeks before the date I've set, comes some very stressful planning. I think we've got the venue nailed down, and it's more than I want to spend, but basically the cheapest we've found. I'm trying on dresses this weekend, which should be fun. Then I just have to figure out decor. Flowers are ridiculously expensive, and I don't have that kind of money, so I'll be doing a lot of DIY decorating projects. I don't want it to look hokey, but just a bouquet is over $100!!!! That's retarded, in my humble opinion. I still have to send out invitations! So, my next couple of weekends will be spent planning. I am truely excited though.

Now, if my sunburn didn't still hurt, I could start trying to lose five pounds before the wedding... we'll see. Probably not going to happen, but a girl can hope, right?

5 pound weekend

I literally gained 5 pounds this weekend. I was doing so good all week (down a pound) and then Friday hit. We had a product celebration in Lake Tahoe, and I told myself I was being good.

I went kayaking, and loved it. Definitely going to have to buy a kayak. (I told Tommy, and he said that he'll just ride in his boat. LOL. Such a guy.) I also ate three, count em, three, brownies. I also ate a bunch of strawberries and canteloupe and told myself it was being evened out. Yea.... it didn't. But I burned some calories kayaking! Obviously, not enough.

Then this appeared on Saturday. 

Worst. Tanline. Ever. I was wearing capris. This is so not going to be cute. And, this was taken today. It has gotten better, if you can believe it. Ouch. 

No working out ensued this weekend. The only reason I got out of bed on Saturday was because we had to be at a family reunion. I was miserable, it hurt to walk, so I consumed copious amounts of alcohol to make it feel better. It worked. Then Sunday rolled around, and I lounged all day. I didn't even get out of my pajamas. It was a great Sunday... then I hopped on the scale this morning.

This weekend was SOOOO not worth a five pound weight gain. I typically will ask myself if a certain food or drink or meal is worth the amount of calories I'm consuming. If the answer is yes, I go for it. If I had been aware of the five pound gain ahead of time, I would have changed course. But, I didn't, and alas, here I am. Going to body pump tonight, although, my feet and legs won't be happy when I put on my tennis shoes, but I'm toughing it out. Time to get back on track!

I need to work on my picture taking skills, because that photo is even worse that my at work bathroom photo. And, I'm not wearing shoes, because of the above mentioned sunburn. I think I got everything from Target, a while ago. (Yay for fitting into some pants I haven't worn in quite some time, even with my added five pounds.) I know that the extra weight will drop fast once I get back on track. It's like my body's way of kicking my ass in gear. I find that once I drink a ton of water and stop eating crap, it'll be gone. Probably even by this weekend if I work for it. So, here's to staying on track this week!

One more picture of my amazingly adorable son. Love him!

Could he be any cuter? :-)